


Death Doesn't Discriminate, But Life Sure Does

by Rosella1356



Series: Pride Writeblr Event 2020 [6]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Introspection, Leadership, bad choices, two sides of the same coin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:40:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24980203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosella1356/pseuds/Rosella1356
Summary: Clarke watches them bury Lexa and she considers their past, and the fact that they turned out not to be all that different than each other in the end of everything.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Series: Pride Writeblr Event 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1801411
Kudos: 13





	Death Doesn't Discriminate, But Life Sure Does

**Author's Note:**

> This is for the writeblr pride event. Today's color is indigo and the prompt in harmony.

Clarke stares down at her love as they lower her into the ground, and she tosses a gaze back into their past. How they ended up here, together and in love when everything started with a choice that killed hundreds if not thousands. 

The simple answer is clear in Clarke’s heart. It’s because they were the same. Leaders who put their people in front of their morals. If it came to making sure that her hands were clean of the blood of innocents or letting the people that she swore her protection to, then she’d choose her people every time. That’s how she knows that one of these days, she will end up right next to Lexa in the ground begging for air. 

That is the simple price that all leaders must pay if they want to keep their people safe. That’s how this works, no one ever wants to make the decision that kills people. No one wants to put the question to the public, if we’re running out of oxygen and the only way we can survive is to get rid of a 100 people, who do we choose? No one wants to believe that they’ll ever make that choice, but anyone who has ever been in charge of large group of people will tell you that there is only one choice. Find a way for the most to survive. It’s shitty and terrible and will mean that they will leave this earth with more blood on their hands than most, but they’ll have saved hundreds more. There’s a balancing scale at play. 

_The first time that Lexa had stared her down and told her the truth had been while she was leading her troops away from the battle that Clarke needed in order for her people to be safe. That first time had been a betrayal of her trust._

_“I have to save my people, Clarke. And you have to do the same,” she said._

Clarke remembered the sheer anger that she had held when she heard those words, because why were Lexa’s people any more important than hers. But, then she had come to the same conclusion that Clarke had reached. Because her people were more important than theirs. She wasn’t going to trade lives where the blood didn’t end up on her hands, but all her people were dead. She wasn’t going to allow them to suffer. 

That wasn’t the first time that she had chosen to make sure that her enemies were dead. She created a ring of fire to kill someone’s people before. All because they threatened her people. She pulled the lever, and she killed everyone but her people inside. She knew right then that some of those lives were innocent. She knew it like she knew that her people were her responsibility. 

That’s how she gained the name Wanheda. The commander of death, to go with the regular commander that was Lexa. Almost amusing to her that they had the same title. They were more similar than she gave them credit for back then. Then, her people kicked her out. They didn’t want her in charge, because according to many of them, she is the one who traded lives. She’s the one who killed people. And Clarke won’t fight those statements, because they are all true. The thing is that she believes deep in her soul, that if they looked at themselves for a minute they would realize that if they were in charge, they’d pull the lever too. 

They all wanted to look at themselves and believe that they were better. They wanted to believe that they were innocent. They wanted to believe that they’d have found a better path forward. She almost looks forward to the day that one of them has to live with the fact that without her there, they’ll have to take the choice. 

However it wouldn’t be for a while because Lexa had offered Clarke a way to make sure that her people were still safe even as she wasn’t anywhere near them. Lexa had given her the choice. 

_“You are Wanheda, my people will listen to you. They fear you, they should fear you. That means that you can still fight for your people. You don’t have to leave them as they left you.”_

Clarke could have turned away. She could have continued having an affair with traveling women, and she could have turned away from Lexa. But, she couldn’t at the same time. Lexa knew her well enough that she knew that at the end of the day, she’d always make the choice that involved her people being safe. That’s the funny part of being a leader, you don’t stop just because your people no longer want you. You’ve already made the choice. You’ve already taken the oath. 

She didn’t want any of this. She didn’t deserve any of this. She was just trying to help her father be a good man and leader, and he got killed for it. She was just a child, and she was sent down to Earth to suffer. She was sent with a bunch of other children, and someone had to take charge. Bellamy was still just an angry child, he didn’t have a plan other than anarchy. Finn couldn’t think past the immediate choice. He always thought in terms of black and white. And their government wasn’t here. So, Clarke made the executive decision to help them. She made the choice to stand up for what needed to be done. 

She once told Lexa that feelings didn’t make you a worse leader, they made you a better one. They just made you into a terrible person if you were still making the leader’s choice. As a leader, you can never choose your heart. You can never choose the broken path. 

So, when she looks up from the grave with the memories of Lexa’s lips against her own, she knows what she must do. She is their leader, she is Wanheda. The dead won’t take that from her until she is dead and gone. They won’t win this fight until long after she’s dead. She’ll be buried just like Lexa. Maybe some of her people will remember that they are there because of her. Maybe she’ll see the ones she killed in front of her. But, by that point it will be over. Her people will be safe. 

She walks out of that room with purpose and a locked over heart. Love has no place for her, because she’ll never be able to choose it. Not with all of her. Only ever with the part of her that isn’t currently looking for the next issue. Because the person she could have at least co-habituated with was the person she was in perfect harmony with. Lexa, the other leader who was willing to do whatever it took for her people.


End file.
